Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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