you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
