Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
