He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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