maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?