I've blown a few things in my day
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
