Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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