3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk