Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(520): View more from Arizona

I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.

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(520): I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs. http://tfl.nu/4glk

Replies (8) Good night (3032) Bad night (627)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.

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(774): his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW. http://tfl.nu/joal

Replies (23) Good night (910) Bad night (5479)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

(1-480): View more from Arizona

Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

(480): View more from Arizona

You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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(480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a

Replies (38) Good night (7479) Bad night (793)
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(206): View more from Washington

If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

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(206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko

Replies (41) Good night (8798) Bad night (995)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?

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(740): Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case? http://tfl.nu/5skf

Replies (17) Good night (5050) Bad night (761)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs

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(773): I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs http://tfl.nu/g3cl

Replies (3) Good night (3375) Bad night (860)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count

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(678): I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count http://tfl.nu/smaa

Replies (4) Good night (1626) Bad night (962)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.

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(937): Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/8uev

Replies (7) Good night (2903) Bad night (811)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.

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(610): Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school. http://tfl.nu/m6s5

Replies (8) Good night (2162) Bad night (545)
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(716): View more from New York

He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt

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(716): He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt http://tfl.nu/5cou

Replies (2) Good night (1543) Bad night (615)
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(254): View more from Texas

I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30

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(254): I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30 http://tfl.nu/3ama

Replies (12) Good night (732) Bad night (2536)
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(323): View more from California

How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?

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(323): How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30? http://tfl.nu/e1i6

Replies (2) Good night (554) Bad night (391)
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(810): View more from Michigan

Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is

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(810): Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is http://tfl.nu/6mxi

Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (600)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.

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(701): Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead. http://tfl.nu/7ubq

Replies (0) Good night (579) Bad night (261)
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(361): View more from Texas

My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.

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(361): My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life. http://tfl.nu/e22l

Replies (19) Good night (291) Bad night (1193)

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