I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.