dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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