I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
