8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
