almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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