Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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