I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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