I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
