In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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