I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
