My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
