uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
