I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
