My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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