don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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