I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
