Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she woke up with a sticky ear
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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