oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
