Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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