wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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