Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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