my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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