I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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