I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
