Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize