Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
