My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
