Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
