I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
