just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
