What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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