I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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