suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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