I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
