I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
