we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
