Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
