I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
