he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
