Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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