I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
