so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think your dad took our porno
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
