im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
