Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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