Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
