In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
