its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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