Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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