i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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