Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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