Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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