So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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