This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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