Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
someone owes me an orgasm
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
