All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
