The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
