so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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