i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
