never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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